Nba Team By Team

Current Record - 15-32 (1st in South)

This team has a lot of promise and is definitely becoming more widely accepted as a respectable team. Especially in San Francisco where this Mexican team has had a cult following for some time. Lets take a look at some of the Bandits key players...

Their home town hero Speedy Gonzalez, is one to watch. This fiery Mexican's blazing speed makes for difficult viewing but by gosh can he get up the floor. The best way to defend him is with a big block of Gouda cheese which usually results in a turnover and a solid scolding by an irrate coach. This has led to a few suspensions for Gonzalez who has only made his way back into the rotation by putting on some raging fiestas for his team mates.

At the centre spot the Bandits are a rebounding machine with their Bosnian import Ima Lankybitch. This huge man is leading the league in rebounds averaging 24.5 a game - all defensive. As you can imagine this 8 foot 2 freak of nature doesnt have the speed to get up the court on offense, so he stays in the defensive lane waiting for the next chance to snare another board.

Ima's defense is always needed due to the Bandits small forward who is absolutely pitiful on defense - struggling to get back play after play. What he lacks on defense he sure makes up for on the offensive end though.

Jamaican sensation Rasta Fareon has a deft shooting touch and a great spin move. He even practises this on the bench, even in his hotel room at home while watching Spongebob Squarepants. He has become an outstanding penetrator for the Back Door Bandits. When the spin move fails, Fareon involuntary releases his potent move dubbed by the media as "the upper lip hurl curl". This causes problems for opposing defenses who are utterly disgusted by his yellow stained teeth, causing them to puke their guts up.

As a result of this opposing teams are now forced to watch hours of scouting video to prepare for the upper lip hurl curl. They also get made to watch episodes of Roseanne to assist their immunity to barfing. Fareon's biggest problem though is getting up and down the court. He always makes a quick 5 second pit stop at the bench before running back on D to dissipate what he calls "the dries".

Despite their promising roster, their Coach Cock Rivers has done a dismal job. This team is all too predictable. I mean how many times can you run a back-door play before it gets all to predictable. His defensive philospohy leaves too many open shooters. He always calls for the double team. Despite Coach Rivers not having much to say the players always seem keen to huddle up real close in the time outs as if he has something really important to say.

More on the Bandits so stay tuned...........